Baby Blueeeees...

Everyone's been asking me if I would be having a baby anytime soon...back in Taiwan, almost all of Andy's friends...well, I would actually say ALL of Andy's friends either already have kids, just have kids or are about to have kids.

I never thought I would become "clucky"...you now...like feel my biological clock ticking and actually wanting to have a little uncontrollable brat screaming around the place. I guess it never really occured to me that I am 27 and sad as it may seem, the quality of my "reproductive system" is deteriorating with each passing year and due to the fact that my metabolism is slowly but surely stepping on the brakes, the hopes of me "bouncing" back into shape after 9 months of wearing fat, frumpy clothes is close to ZERO.

So anyway, yesterday...in the midst of my cycle's most fertile stage, Andy and I had sex (yes, yes, I am gonna talk about sex openly and not treat it like the TABOO subject...I am 27 afterall, I am in my 4th year of marriage and I have been having an active sex life for the past 8 years...so screw it, I am gonna talk about SEX all I want!) Ohhhh...I actually found one good thing about blogging here now...that I can openly talk about private issues without all the people on my very long Messenger list reading about it.

Back to the point...the whole day yesterday, I walked around with a cloud over my head, thinking, "Shit! I am gonna be pregnant!" Of course, the initial cold feet is undeniable. But then, later yesterday night, I finally brought it up with Andy...the possiblity of us being "Daddy & Mommy"...and I was half expecting him to go all quiet and indifferent when surprise, surprise...he said, "Oh, well, if we are, we are. It's about time, we'll let nature take its course"... and he actually went on to say how the baby will be benefitting from the language classes that I am thinking of signing up for...that it will be learning French or Japanese or whatever language that I am thinking of taking up and be borned linguistically gifted...or how he was hoping that the baby would tame my tempers and improve my patience (fat chance, really) and that I would stop being a Tasmanian Devil (I never knew I was even one!).

So there I was...in complete disbelief that my husband was actually showing signs of being ready to be a dad! Alright, to be honest, I've noticed Andy turning clucky too...he used to like completely ignore all kids and babies...no matter how cute or adorable they look...but these days, he's actually smiling and making eye contact with them...just like today, when we were hitching a ride on the free City Circle, he was even playing with this little boy (with the BIGGEST eyes I've ever seen). And so for the first time in my life...being pregnant didn't seem like such a nightmare and I was actually willing to even consider encouraging myself into it.

Anyhow...I spent the whole night thinking of baby names...hahahaha!!! Well, I could only come up with girls' names...since I would much prefer to have a cute, little princess in pigtails than a dirty, stinky boy that I wouldn't know how to even give a bath to! I was half asleep all night...all confused and feeling mixed up...when suddenly, it hit me that I just had my MMR booster shot 2 months ago and the nurse and doctor had specifically reminded me NOT to get pregnant within 6 months of that shot. I guess nature decided to take its course afterall...there will be no baby afterall. Well, not that I was even sure that I was pregnant in the first place...

This morning, after my usual cereal and coffee(which I had seriously contemplated giving up the night before for the sake of having a fair child..teehee!), we went downtown to the pharmacy and bought emergency contraceptive. The pharmacist was really nice, she asked me to fill in a form, checked my cycle dates et cetera...and kept asking me if I was on any kind of medication...honestly, she must have at least asked me that 3 times!

That's that...no babies for now...and I have completely reverted back to the I-am-so-not-gonna-have-a-kid-right-now-cause-I-still-have-career-dreams-and-a-life-to-live self. Sigh...how fast minds can change in a matter of 24 hours...

What a shock...can't believe it's almost been a year since I last had an entry here...have I been lazy...not really...have I been busy...well, you can say that...but not true these days when all this idle time is really making me crave being busy again.

Okay, honestly...I just hate blogging here...it's such a hassle as compared to My Space. Hello? Is anyone listening? Time for a change, hey?

Anyway...I have been up to absolutely nothing these days...I am starting to feel, think and act like Hugh Grant in About a Boy...such that my daily life comprises of several units of time:

Make and have breakfast in the morning: 3 units of time

Drink coffee and surf the internet: 10 units of time

Poop, shower and get dressed( to go NOWHERE): 5 units of time

Make and eat lunch: 3 units of time

(Occassionally) take a walk around CBD or Southgate or New Quay: 10 units of time

Make and eat dinner: 5 units of time (dinner take longer time to make, okay?)

Surf the internet some more and if lucky, find someone online to chat with: 10 units of time

Watch complimentary DVD courtesy of Big Pnd's 30-day free trial: 12 units of time

Sleep: 60 units of time (more if it's a really cold night, leading to a really cold morning where getting up is just impossible!)

I am feeling useless and extremely jobless...I am also pretty lonely...I watch people on the streets...well, those not walking alone...and I envy them...I just need a friend..and no, my husband does not count! I am chatting up strangers in the elevator, in the queue. I have discovered this little social circle of gym goers...who usually start crawling into the gym by half past 5...but I think trying to start up a chat when someone is huffing and puffing away on a treadmill is like totally W-E-I-R-D! I've been going to the gym so much my arms are about as thick as my neck now...okay...no, not really...but I think I've never had fitter arms and tighter ass in my entire life...but I'm not happy because they aren't getting me any friends...

Jessie...please tell me you're moving to Melbourne!

Every once in a while, I go through a phase of depression and I am left questioning the path I have chosen to take in life. Lately, I feel oppressed by a sense of failure...there are so many things which I want to do, so many goals I want to achieve but here I am...feeling completely helpless and hopeless.

I have convinced myself...throughout life...that money isn't everything and this is perhaps one of the biggest lie I have ever told myself. I keep saying, money isn't the world, it is merely a facilitator...really, what is the difference? Without this facilitator, the world is beyond reach...so money is indeed the world, isn't it?

Despite the fact that I pride myself in my ability to adapt, survive and thrive regardless of where life throws me, I feel nothing but second best. I have been raised to be independent and self-sufficient but often times, I can't help but wonder how different life would be if I was born at par with those who had, have and will continue to have everything in life. Of course, many have said "par" is about as high as you raise it...and believe me, I have pretty unreachable ideals.

I feel like I am forever chasing a perpetual dream, running for the finishing line which I will never reach, aiming for that trophy which I will never get, trying to become the person whom I will never be. Is this inability to accept myself and my life part of immaturity? I spoke to my sister and she seems to have a more down-to-earth grasp on reality. Where did her sense of self-acceptance come from? Maturity?

If there's ever an award for the laziest blogger on earth, I would win it...for sure...hands down...no competition...EVER!!!

I just feel lazier and lazier to blog and heck, I just blame everything on my new hectic schedule...okay, okay...the downright truth is, I am just LAZY. I just find it pointless to write about my boring, mundane and super-regimented life...unless there is something important.

Hehehe...like for the past 2 days...when Andy and I rejoined the gym/spa. Well, that's definitely something to write in my blog about. Our membership the the exclusive BEING spa expired like...heck...a year ago (my, my...time sure flies) and for the whole year, we just had too many other COMPULSORY expenses (like the wedding) to consider rejoining it. Now that we've both, well, you can say..started on the track to financial stability, we can finally enroll for membership again.

It's nice to see that they have made some positive changes to the place...Eric, who is the Sales & Marketing Exec. is still working there and he still remembers us. Well, he got us a pretty good deal this time although we're still kinda in a dilemma about the 1 year vs. 3 year contract. But he got us 17 months for the price of 12 months...which was very nice of him (heck, at the end of the day, it's still just sales tactic). Anyway, eager as we were...we hopped right over the moment the ink of the contract dried and made full use of the facilities...heheheh...super up-to-date gym equipment, they have renovated the Ladies Spa area...now it's twice the size it originally was with a lounge and TV area, they have also added a new reading area updated with current fashion and business magazines AND there's also this new vitality area where you can get your health checkup anytime and have a nutritionist whip up a tailored diet and exercise regiment for you.

The only thing is...the darn pilates class is on Sunday afternoon and there's no way that I can ever make it home for that. Pilates has been sooooooooooo IN...oh, well, I guess I'll have to settle for good ol' Yoga then. Been there 2 days already...and I am feeling great...although I haven't taken any classes yet...but, heck...just using the steam room and the jacuzzis is enough to make me feel revitalized already...hehehe...NOW...time to blast them potential love handles away...eeek...wanna a super hardcore 6-pack tummy!!!

Tired, tired, tired...2 hours on China Eastern Air, 2 hours in HK International Airport, an hour and a half on China Airlines and another hour on FreeGo Bus...and hallelujah...I AM BACK IN TAIPEI!!! Funny feeling... that wave of euphoria when I stepped into my apartment and have Tigger jumping maniacally all over me...the inner sigh of relief...all made me realize that yes, I have come to accept Taiwan as my home now.

Well, the week spent in Shanghai was definitely worth it...I have always wanted to be there to witness what others have been raving about...and I can now enlist myself as a member of the "Amazing Shanghai" club. It is definitely different from the rest of China...well, at least it is different compared to the 2 other parts of China I've ever been to...Guangdong and Shenzhen.

For one, the architecture is MAGNIFICENT! A beautiful blend of the old European-style buildings dated back in the "Shanghai Tan" era and the super modern steel structures that make you blink twice to convince yourself that yes, you are indeed on earth...and yes, you're in China...the place where the whole world once deemed "backward".

For the entire week there, all we ever did was shop, shop, shop...not that I am complaining...I went there with one small bag (this is amazingly the first time ever in my life whereby I brought just enough clothes for a week and not bring a month's worth of clothes for one week) and came back with armloads.

Day 1- En route to Shanghai...nothing to do...roamed around CKS Airport...what a boring place...HK Airport...sheer heaven compared to CKS...fell in love with Dior Me...made Andy promise to buy it for me on the way home. Flight delayed..stuffed ourselves crazy with food as consolation. Reached Shanghai at almost 11...poor Andy's dad waiting for over an hour in the horrible cold.

Day 2 -  Bloody cold! (1 degree) I was still kinda bargain-shy...went to this super huge outdoor market where they have all sorts of knockoff branded goods...saw tons of stuff, but according to my father-in-law who is an expert knockoff-hunter...those weren't "A-Grade". My score - 2...for buying a pair of PUMA runners and this super nice long white tie-coat with rabbit-fur trimming on the hood(PETA please don't kill me, I simply couldn't resist...erm..by the way, rabbits aren't protected animals, are they?) Andy's score-0. Father-in-law's score-3

Day 3 - Bloody cold again (3 degrees + rain) WHOA! Super shopping day...father-in-law brought us out to more happening places...My score - 3...one nice white GUESS dress shirt, one beautiful blue (have been hunting for this shade of blue for ages) POLO dress shirt and a super soft, maroon red silk jacket for Grandma...I know she would just LOOOOOVE it. Andy's score-0. Father-in-law's score-3. Also went over the the river walk overlooking Pudong City...gosh, words can't describe the view...only pictures can )but well, you guys have gotta wait...pictures all in father-in-law's digicam...hehehe...

Day 4 - Cold, cold, cold!!! (1-3 degrees + More Rain!)     Score 10...bought 2 CDs (Lisa Ono's and BOND), bought a leopard print handbag for mommy (know how she loves those), bought 3 pearl bracelets and 3 silk ties with very Oriental prints (buah tangan for colleagues) and a pure lycra D&G top. Andy's score-0. Father-in-law's score-5.

If you haven't noticed by now, Andy is a lousy shopper compared to his father who is, my god...a shopaholic!!! Everyday, when we go out, his dad ends up coming back with more stuff than any of us...and don't forget the fact that WE are the tourist and he is living there semi-permanently!!!

Day 5: New Year's Eve...too bloody cold to go out...must be at least -10 out there (I know, I am exaggerating, but it FEELS like -10, okay!) Went out to buy some food and grocery from the supermarket nearby...hehehe...did it the traditional Chinese way...I rode a bicycle!!! My god, it must have been ages since I rode one...Andy and his dad walked behind me...while I pedaled away happily in the cold...together with the hundreds of other locals cycling alongside me. And then when we finished shopping, we stuffed most of the heavy stuff in the front basket and I pedaled home again...such a down-to-earth experience...so refreshing!!! Cooked, cooked, cooked...this is the first time ever in my life that I cooked an actual Chinese New Year reunion dinner...all by myself...my god, mom would be so proud...well, it was nothing special really, Bak Ku Teh...ginger wine tiger prawns, vegetables...but it was such a nice feeling! After dinner, we all sat down to watch DVDs...drinking hot drinks by the heaters and munching away at snacks while the outside sounds like IRAQ at war...fireworks going off left and right: the super long red crackers...those that sounds like canons...and those fly up into the sky and explode in super colorful flower patterns...I think the fact that fireworks aren't illegal in China really helps brighten up the festive season.

Day 6: UGGGHHHHH!!! Rainy, rainy, rainy...and SUPER COLD!!! Andy's sick...down with a cold...went out to this electronics mall...well, actually, this whole part of the city feels like a giant mall...everywhere you go...people selling electronic and computer goods....kinda noticed how "IN" the Ipod is in Shanghai...every place is selling some kinda accessories for it...tempting, tempting. Score today-0. Andy-0. Father-in-law-2

Day 7: Time toooo saaaay goooodbyyeeeee! Sad...but happy bit...had a quick trim and highlighted my hair at the beauty salon near my father-in-law's apartment before  we left. Apparently he is a member of the salon (he goes there for massages)..so the price was relatively cheap...got my highlights and a trim for only RMB240 and he even offered to pay for it...how sweet...the highlights are GRREEAT!!! Haven't been this happy with my hair for a long time...don't look down on the Chinese stylists, eh! Score 1-Hah...Andy kept his promise and bought Dior Me...smells sooooo good...and I just found out that it's a limited edition...darn...should have bought 2 bottles...or I would never be able to buy it again (just like Simmy's Miss Dior)...finally...Andy's score-2...bought himself 2 pairs of cufflinks from Tie Rack! Stuffed ourselves with food again...ugghhh...

Okay...super tired now...fingers aching...well, folks...TTFN!